I can't be like this forever
I'm gonna stay strong!



Hazel Lo, you don't have to prove to anyone except you yourself!

怎么办

我的心依然会因为你而激动地跳跃

_________________________________

我好像找不到理由给你发简讯了

茫然

我很想念你

我努力很努力很努力
我告诉自己我很坚强
在你不在的时候
我会更坚强
但当我发现我开始不明白你和别人的谈话
我不知如何是好
我有些慌
你会明白吗？
对不起
你不需要明白，如果你不想。
我还是会很努力
我不只在等待
我还在努力前进
你不需要看见
因为我做的一切
我希望你用真心去感受

i'm still holding on

the dream we used to dream together.

please don't ask me to give it up

because you are the one who makes me believe in dream and promise again.

i dunno how long i can hold on

but i will try my best.

i really don't feel tired holding it on

because it's become part of my life.

Don't dream if you are to give up when there is obstacle.

JBP9

thank God

it wasn't a dream

it's real Real REAL

♥

 _______________________________

spent my weekend in a place called Janda Baik

it's a super duper beautiful place 

despite the irritating cats which would suddenly jumped onto my lap when i was sitting on a chair.

Susanna

love this lane to the max until i set my station game here! XD

i can't deny that cats sometimes look cute

of course, it's when they don't come near to me! 

- Saturday - 

visited an aborigine village

what did we do?

- distributed food and daily necessity to them

- played with the kids

- sang songs to them

- makan with them!!

yes, it's project 9!!!

next year will be 10!!

Will i have have the chance to go??

with the kids!

i can't forget the happy expression on the face of the two kids when i fed them with egg

yes, it's just egg.

but they didn't ask for more.

thank you for teaching me to be grateful

~~~~~~~~~~~~

chilling time after that =)

went to an unique resort which the entrance is a bridge crossing over a river

too bad we are not staying there..

- Sunday -

here came the orphans!

ice breaking song

don't ask me the meaning.. i also dunno.. XD

had workshop and station games for them

this year, the theme of the workshop was

SELF CONFIDENCE

i was in charge of the 16-18 years old workshop

glad that the teens are not as shy as we were told before we went

my station game team - Nasi Lemak

they are cute, aren't they? ;)

group photo!

THUMBS UP TO EVERYONE IN JANDA BAIK PROJECT 9

♥

do things with a serving heart

at the end you will realize you gain more than you give.

the more i know, the more confused i am.

i wonder why
we both faced the EXACTLY same situation
but we acted so differently
causing all the unhappiness eventually.

base 3

100
111  100  201  201
221  120  210

it's not the end of the world.

i need not to be sad.

Making a dream is easy, but staying strong to achieve the dream is not.

But please don't simply give up if you ever face obstacles or difficulties achieving your dream

because He arranges everything for us

to learn,

to grow.

Thank you. I'm learning and growing

because of You and you.

Hazel Lo, stay strong!

i'm not emo-ing

墙上静止的钟是为谁停留 
是不是和我一样赖着不走 
你说故事已经结束 
很久 我忘了　 
向前走 

我努力假装现在过得很好 
现在的你看来已不需要我 
也许在不同的时空 还牵着　 
你的手 
想知道你真的过得好吗 
没有我也许是种解脱 
将思念穿梭在宇宙数千光年 悄悄到　 
你身边 

现在我试着习惯一个人过 
也许你已经开始新的生活 
陪着我的叫做寂寞 
陪你的　是谁呢？ 
想知道你真的过得好吗 
没有我也许是种解脱 
将思念穿梭在宇宙数千光年 
悄悄到　 
你身边 

现在我试着习惯一个人过 
也许你已经开始新的生活 
陪着我的叫做寂寞 
陪你的　是谁呢？ 
也许在不同的时空 
还牵着　你的手

strength

i need strength
to move on.

though people around are telling me i'm not alone,
i still feel helpless.

what i need is not rest.
i just need strength.

sometimes i hope you feel i'm weak.
so you will care more.

duh... time flies.
my holiday is gonna end real soon.
compared to last time when i was still studying in primary and secondary school,
i can't deny that i improve, not really a lot though.
improve? in what sense?
i study during my holiday!
it may be normal for you but definitely NOT ME okay??
i just wanna praise myself for my improvement
so that i know i have done something good
and therefore will continue my effort,
NOT boasting, okay?

___________________________
as we grow, we know more things.
some are useful knowledge.
some are real facts in life.
some make us sad.
yet we can't escape from knowing all these things.

keep emo-ing recently. =(
i think it's due to knowing too many things.
sigh
i know i know, life without sadness, sorrow, boredom, etc is impossible.
but pray let me know how to handle them.

-struggling-



我好想好想好想变好变强变厉害

GOVERNMENT FAILURE

learn this term in economics.

it means when the government intervention into an economic activity leads to net loss in economic welfare.

in my case, it's not related to economy

but still, it leads to net loss in my welfare.

don't blame me if i cheat you

because you are the one disappoints me.

holiday and.. FACEBOOK

IT'S HOLIDAY!
yes.. there's nothing wrong with your eyes..
it's holiday, 3 weeks holiday, after my 5 weeks classes..
LOL
when people in my hometown saw me, 
they asked, "not yet go study meh?? when college starts o??"
LMAO


HOLIDAY
everyone loves holiday
but sometimes i don't like it.. NOT joking.!
why??
because i tend to waste my time during holiday
sleeping sleeping and sleeping
that's what i do during holiday.
Zzz
i'm 18!! 
yet i still dunno how to spend my time wisely, sometimes, or most of the time.


seriously i need some lecture on time management and self discipline
anyone wanna give me?? ><


another thing i wanna talk about is FACEBOOK!
anyone doesn't have a facebook account??
stupid question!
what i wanna complain is
it allures people to surf it all the time,
to check the new status updates & photo,
update status, check-in, upload photo, etc.
i feel myself addicted to facebook now.. 
how?? need help!!!
i wanna deactivate my account but i can't!!
rely on it to communicate with friends and discuss college and society matter..
how?? HELP~!!!!!! =(

new

i come to a new world

to be a better person

all because of You

thank you for everything ♥

i know it's not something easy

but i will try my best

and put in all my effort

a long way to go

but with You and you, i guess nothing can block me.

stay strong.

smile =)

faith is meant to be tested.

i know we can do it.

are we still in the same path?

even if we are not, i hope we can meet up soon and walk together

so that, again, we can enjoy the same view

but, are our points of view still the same?

life is hectic, yet i do enjoy this kind of lifestyle.

some photo to be shared..

Emloyd's playing guitar.

Adrian a.k.a. Gemilang

(he actually doesn't know how to play guitar.. just posing..)

Andrea - the most caring senior!

dumb-dumb Mei Yen who loves "hao liao"

ex-roommate - Meredith.. i miss her much!!!!

her bed and study desk =((

a horrific book - the yellow wallpaper

eng. lit text.. 

i wanna learn and grow up.. =))

i'm sorry

i'm sorry to hurt you.
i don't mean so actually.
but the fact is we both are unhappy.


we have the same dreams.
i can't deny it.
but 6 years are seriously too long for me.


i know it's all my fault.
you're kind -- you keep telling me i do nothing wrong.
but i have to admit my selfishness.


all we need is just time, i guess.
show me your confidence and perseverance 
and i will keep our promise.
∞

04-07-11

the first day is going to end real soon. left 30 minutes only.. (dunno what expression i should show)


flashback.....


SUNDAY
at first, my aunt planned to send me to my campus on monday early morning since she had to come to this area for medical check-up but then when i finished my getting-my-stomach-burst steamboat dinner, my roommate, Meredith texted me, saying that she'd came to hostel and waited for me in the cafe. So, my kind and lovely aunt sent me to my hostel (it's actually quite near from her house. about 10 minutes driving distance). thanks a lot, aunt! love you so much.. 


after Meredith and i entered our room we chatted a little and she asked me if i minded she called our senior jpa representative, Andrea to come to our room. why shall i mind? so after that Andrea came and chatted with us. she's very motherly and caring -- she asked us if we got homesick! haha.. after getting to know each others' background, Meredith and i asked her something about jpa and she's very willing to tell us anything and everything we asked would certainly received detailed answers together with her very sincere personal opinion. in the halfway, Meredith went out with her friends but after about 20 minutes then only i finished chatting with Andrea and she headed back to her room. i got myself a hot shower before going to sleep.. rolling, rolling and kept rolling.. what's rolling?? is me! haha.. the bed is just too hard that i couldn't sleep.. (not only i feel so! i found out some of them have the same feeling!) i think it's 2a.m. when i finally felt asleep.. Zzz..


7.30a.m., it's time to wake up as we needed to be in the campus by 8.30. following what we'd planned last night, Meredith bathed first while i took my milo-and-bread breakfast then vice versa. after we got ourselves ready, we headed to the main block with some JPA scholars whom we coincidentally met at the ground floor of our hostel. it's very easy to identify the JPA scholars because every of us dressed formally as we're told to do so in our offer letter. xP


once we reached the lower foyer of the main block we saw people registering at the counters following their name's first letter but for JPA scholars, we went to the counter which was set specially for us only.. after registration we entered the lecture hall for briefing.. we got different kinds of briefing on the course, student affair, transportation, etc. it's actually quite boring = =.. when the briefing session ended it's already 12 something.. everyone was brought for a campus tour except for JPA scholars.. we're asked to stay in the lecture hall.. a lady explained to us about the subjects combination and also the bank account stuff. we then had our campus tour before lunch break which's really rush as we couldn't miss our a-levels department director's talk. but then it's not really a good talk.. he's just trying to impress us with their excellent academic results.. Meredith and Jen Yeen slept during his talk! 


after the talk, it came the most important part of the orientation -- briefing by JPA officer! there're rumour saying that JPA revised we law students' offer that our 3 years law degree programme in UK is changed to 2+1 twinning programme.. finally we could ask about this.. the officer, En. Nazri introduced his colleagues and himself as well. then he explained that the briefing session was separated into two parts where the first part allowed us scholars to pass up the documents one by one while the second part was the question and answer session. when we started the first session the parents also started questioning the officer and then only he admitted the change in our offer.. felt like being cheated.. but what to do? it's confirmed now! 2+1 unless we are able to get into the UK top 20 Uni after A-levels. damn angry that they didn't informed us earlier! so we kept voicing our dissatisfaction! a girl even cried! can you believe? what we're worrying now is that after we get ourselves into the top 20 Uni, they may break their promise again.! the briefing ended unhappily.. =(((((((


then i called the kolej matrikulasi to ask if they still accept me but unfortunately they said NO. i really dunno how to decide.. back to room, dad called and discussed with me. he was like telling me even if you only can study in UK for one year, it's still okay! as long as you can go, then it's fine. fine. fine. fine. take it. take it, i told myself. after shower, since Meredith's taking her nap i went to level 1 to online. received many calls.. didn't expect my brother to call me! thanks everyone who called and texted me.. appreciate =)) kept talking in phone until i forgot the time but luckily Meredith texted me! Andrea had called us for dinner in the cafe of our hostel. when i reached many of them were already there! we chatted a lot there.. got to know each others quite well.. then our another senior JPA representative, Kar Wai (dunno if i spell correctly) offered us a tour outside our main block. quite an informative tour.. know much more things now.. like where to take bus, place to photocopy documents, the only chinese restaurant, etc.


after the tour we came back to hostel and continued chatting at level 1. this time, Andrea and Kar Wai told us more about our subjects in a-levels.. very detailed explanation.. i think they really told us everything they know.. <3 after we dismissed, Adrian, Hoo Kit and I stayed there to online for a while before going back to our rooms respectively. both of them are living alone in the twin sharing rooms.. lol.. Meredith had gone out with friend, leaving me alone in room.. and that's why i'm blogging right now.




_______________________________________
i have to improve myself. thumb-up.

十八岁这件事

如果你现在是十八岁，又或者你曾经十八岁，那，你十八岁时，是不是想要做一些你想做，却又不能或没有能力的事情？我是。


每天翻开报章，看见那些年纪轻轻就已经有一番作为的人，实在令我怀疑自己，究竟我是不是已经十八岁了。每天张开眼睛，我就在想，今天我该做什么，我的未来又是如何。当我发现自己除了上网、吃饭、看戏、浏览面子书之外，就没有任何事情做的时候，我是多么地沮丧。我不得不为自己感到担心。我也开始质疑，两年的学前教育、六年的小学生涯再加上五年的中学生活，究竟教会了我什么。是让我成为一个只会读书，成天只想着以后能飞黄腾达的白痴？还是个只关心自己的事，对周遭不闻不问的社会寄生虫？


再看看我的朋友，一些以为学历才是王道，却从来不知自己为何要念书的，升学去了；一些不知是因为真的不是读书的料子又或是只为了跟随朋友的，在家人不关心、不理睬的情况下，找工作去了。


那我呢？中五毕业想去当兵，但我们伟大的政府部门里先进的电脑系统抽中了我，却又不是给我参加第一批的训练。过后很幸运地谋到一份在学校教电脑课的工作。虽然有份工作打发时间，但工作只到大约下午三点，过后的时间就无所事事。不知不觉做了四个多月，却因为中六开课而辞职了。开课不到一个星期，获知拿到奖学金，不必念中六，却又开始另一段闷得令人发慌的日子——等待开课。


我想去背包旅行，但没有钱（你或许会说，可以一边旅行，一边打工啊！真的那么简单吗？），而且父母也不允许。我想去做些有意义的事情，但这里并没有任何真正有意义活动（在这种小地方真的没有！）。于是，我每天重复着阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网、阅读报章、看电视、读书、上网......


我的十八岁，就是这样。

I'm Back

一个好的男人
不只会承诺给你将来
更重要的是现在 —— 当下这一刻

活在当下





我回来了
Back to BLOGGING..

cute cute students

wenhui samuel edison calvin zhikai dylan jiaho saiyen hungjia sooloke biona manchung mervyn irene veronica qingen waien kharyee junkai sasikala lili xuanyuan melvin jieli huinee sheuejing yiseng jiasheng weiqing deckson shabbir yeelu jingying wailim teinyou yapei loochean huiying siewmei karmun jomanda huihan jieyu thungthung zujun wensiang qizheng chunhong yufang ziho emily shunjing shuxin kaisheng junchen kaixian hazizul cheechean boonyen zhenghao kailin shibing junwai xinyi lilian zhengye yeejin chewyi huimin jiahao leyguan zeyue kimkiat weikit naimnazri

I WILL NOT FORGET YOU GUYS!

thank you for giving me so many happy memories in this 4 months.

dylan and edison, 

the slide show is really nice and meaningful.

weiqing,

i will keep the card!! LIKE!

-

oops!
he said my infinity symbol is not nice.






here's his method of doing it:


use your left hand thumb tip to touch your right hand index fingertip
then, use your right hand thumb tip to touch your left hand index fingertip






erm.....
look different??
same lah!!!!

-

use your index fingertip to touch your thumb tip

do the same with your right hand

then combine them

this is our love

infinity

a post for you

i do understand that we will soon separate to study

and i do believe that distance is not a problem for us.

=)

you told me i still can see you through webcam

yea~ that's right.

but i can't hug you

=(

i hope time can fly

so that the 6 years ahead from now can pass faster

then we can be together

*day-dreaming

for you

It doesn't matter when the day will come.

As long as we love each other, we are together.

_____________________________

YOU are the one 

who makes me believe

that FOREVER doesn't only exist in fairy tale.
<3

我?

最近，总是觉得做很多事情都力不从心
我开始怀疑自己

我走在别人为我铺设的道路上
虽然一直觉得路是对的
但难免还是会犹豫质疑
犹豫着自己是否有那个能力
质疑着这条路到底适合我吗

我尽量让自己不去想太多
因为他们都是为我好
我明白的
真的
可是明白和接受是两码子事

我觉得自己没有用
当别人都有自己的梦想
我却一昧地追随父母为我安排所谓幸福美好的生活

这边厢
我想跳出去
为自己活一次
就算失败也没关系

那边厢
我想我还是该听他们的话
毕竟他们都是为我好

我没有不开心
只是觉得自己没有用

我不想当伟人！
我不想你们要我当什么 我就当什么
我不想你们把我气炸了 我还若无其事低声下气地求你们
我不想把一大堆的闷气往自己肚子里吞

我只想好好地大哭一场

-

i can't say that i love my job now 

but i have to admit that if i were dismissed now, i would be freaking upset!
am recalling how loud my students greet me every morning even when i haven't got down from my car =))


life is so BUSY recently as i have to
- work
- prepare for camp
- travel back and forth to kl to visit my grandma

aawww...
she'd been admitted to kl tung shin hospital
after 5 days of hospitalization in temerloh, and then one week of rest at home.
to be very frank, i don't like my grandma. 
because she doesn't like me ( perhaps she HATES me! i dunno. )
not only this reason, but many more.
my siblings are all brought up by her last time
EXCEPT ME 
my parents felt that taking care of 3 of my siblings was tiring enough for my grandma
that's why i had a babysitter.
most of the time i stayed at my babysitter's home,
befriended with samseng children and
got anything i wanted because nobody would ever say NO to me

when i returned home at 5 years old, i felt like i was going to somewhere strange.
yes, home was really strange for me at that time
grandma didn't like me because she wanted a grandson, not a granddaughter, so much
siblings didn't like me because i was arrogant
parents didn't like me because i made tonnes of trouble for them
in conclusion, i'm NOT well-liked.

to be continued........

for you -- the irresponsible one

是你说
spm 后的生活很 boring
所以我才找你 join
原来是我表错情
so sorry



i believe on you
since we sat next to each other in form one
this is the only secret



oh! 还有
我一直以为这是我们各散东西前
可以一起努力干的好事

life is busy

yet there is still free time to miss you. 

i miss you 

but i know you don't.

one malaysia spirit

yup..!

it's THAIPUSAM!!

finally!

why finally?

because i'd waited it for one year!

one year, you know? 365 days / 8760 hours / 525600 minutes / 12614400 seconds

okay... stop bullshit-ing

honestly, i love this festival though it's a hindu festival.

i started to fall in love with it since last year, when i witnessed how joyful and meaningful the parade was.

i still can remember last year i saw the handsome Avinash, wearing the smart traditional clothes.

back to this year celebration,

not as riuh rendah as last year one,

but the Hindus are still as devout as last year =)

"so... what's the relation with one malaysia spirit?" you may be asking this.

if you were near the France Bridal Studio in Mentakab just now,

you would surely understand it.

there's 舞狮 welcoming the parade at there!!

while many police ( malays ) were at the side, controlling the traffic.

"so what?" you may be thinking.

when i saw this, i felt there's warmness surging from my heart and running in my bloodstream.

then, the first thing that came to my mind was ONE MALAYSIA.

in my opinion, to achieve this ambitious vision, we need not big projects.

festival celebrations like just now that one are more than enough and...

realistic! 

no need banner, no need slogan!

after the 舞狮, the fireworks were set. 

it's the most exciting part, for me.. haha

awww...

i'm too tired to describe it.. 

photo will help.

Night~

FUTURE

watched The Tourist with my brother in Genting last week..
Angelina Jolie, seriously i love your sexy ass! haha..
wonder why someone said this movie is not nice..
it's soooooooooooooo funny..! LMAO
we laughed non stop throughout the movie!!

oh... it's too far..
back to the point..
FUTURE

Teacher?? serious???
my parents will definitely be happy with this..
how about me?
hmmm..
some of my friends said it's really suitable for me.. BUT..
i can actually go for better ones..

frankly, i had already made my decision..
teaching.. i say yes to it..
sometimes i wonder if i will be 甘愿 with this job..
i'm not looking down on this occupation, okay?
BUT apparently not many teachers can be 名成利就，飞黄腾达 lor..
last time when i was in primary school ( even in secondary school ),
i used to think that i would be a 女强人 and might be quite well-known..
( hey! don't laugh at people's dreams! )
BUT my parents STRONGLY disagree, telling me reasons like it's not suitable for a girl lar... etc )
till now, it's still a dream in my deep heart core..
i never give up..
Shhh~ don't tell the others, okay?

so, at the end, i follow my parents desire..
oh.. actually not follow..
erm.. it's like 被说服了..
( i'm not that rebellious like last time.. i think.. )
there's really nothing else more suitable than teaching for a girl who wanna take good care of her family..
agree?
for me, family is more important than career..
i wish to have my own family..
have a few children..
oh.. i love twins!
i wanna teach them to speak, read, write...
i wanna bake for my family, cook for them, make them happy..
simple things...
yet, i'm satisfied.

i'm waiting for the day i'm called MAMA~ =))