I always wanted to blog but the urge to blog didn't appear very often nor strongly until recently. There are just too many things happening around me, giving me lessons of life and I feel like, I'm really growing up. Growing up to be a mature person.
But I'm still me.
Then how have I grown up to be?
I'm growing to learn more about myself and to understand why I do certain things. Last time, I used to think about how things work but now, I also think of why I think of something. Sorry that it sounds a bit complicated but I'm gonna give an example:
What I thought last time: why this person like that one?
What I think now: why this person like that one + why/what makes me think of him/her as such a person?
Yes. I'm thinking more than I used to last time. And I still remember I like asking him not to think too much. But I realise thinking is what a mature person always does because while we're always encouraged to act what we say instead of just saying, in reality, we have to find the right time, the right person or the right place to act what we say. So, we're left to think.
So today, there's this guy, who is my high school friend, started a conversation with me in Facebook. To be honest, we're not very close. We're from different class and didn't have much intersection. Unlike most of my friends of my age, he's now working. Working as a professional cyclist, instead of studying in college or universities like what the others and I are doing. I'm not discriminating him. Instead, I look up to him very much, for being able to know what he wants to do and brave enough to do what he wants, despite being looked down by some people and the difficulties he has to face in his career. We had a very nice conversation. We exchanged our mind which we rarely share with each other and even our own friends. It's by telling him what kind of person I am, I now can see myself more clearly.
So here's what I think of myself:
Since I have come to college, I haven't been speaking up my mind as often as last time. The reason is that I can hardly find people whom I think I can share my mind with. It's not because I've became more introvert. I just feel tired speaking and explaining my thoughts to someone whom I think cannot understand or isn't interested in listening to me. No. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I cannot accept people who have different opinion from me. I mean, they are not interested in the topics I'm interested in. For instance, during the most important event of our nation recently—GE13—I suffered a hard time because there're very few people whom I could talk to about this very sensitive issue! The others in my circle are either not interested in politics, or they are too swayed away by the populist party.
I can either be very quiet or very talkative, depending on whom I am with. When I'm with those who don't share the same interest with me, I don't really talk. But being such a person actually bothered me for a while because I felt that I wasn't being myself. I was putting on a mask and I hated it so much! But thanks to growing up, I have realised something: I'm not being fake. I just prefer being who I really am in front of the right people. This realisation makes me love myself more and I'm now happy with myself and my life. And it also makes me understand why as we grow up, we're less likely to get more close friends. It's because we see things more clearly and think more. We become more selective as we know what we want. But this fact of getting less close friends doesn't make me feel sad because at the same time, we also understand that quality is more important than quantity. :)
Sorry. This post is not very organised because it's just like my mind—it's filled with different thoughts.
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